December 2011
“Women are exploited by the high heel shoe. Women are exploited by the idea that...”
– The glamourous “Ling” character on Ally McBeal, played by Lucy Liu
“At a certain point in your life, probably when too much of it has gone by, you...”
– Miss Dodger, Phoebe in Wonderland
All I Need to Know about Life I Learned from...
I am productive! I am productive! I am productive!
Better latte than never.
A day without coffee is like night…you sleep through it.
We all have to do the daily grind.
Espresso yourself.
Automatic drip defines most people’s personalities.
Stand your grounds.
If the spoon doesn’t dissolve, it ain’t coffee.
Don’t stop till you’re shaking.
Impatience is...
Ladies & Gentlemen, I give you, the 2012...
Michelle Bachmann: "Don’t misunderstand. I am not here bashing people who are homosexuals, who are lesbians, who are bisexual, who are transgender. We need to have profound compassion for people who are dealing with the very real issue of sexual dysfunction in their life and sexual identity disorders.” (2004)
Ron Paul: "The rate of AIDS infection is on the increase again. From the gay point of view, the reasons seem quite sensible. First, these men don't really see a reason to live past their fifties. They are not married, they have no children, and their lives are centered on new sexual partners... because sex is the center of their lives, they want it to be as pleasurable as possible, which means unprotected sex. Third, they enjoy the attention & pity that comes with being sick." (1995 in a newsletter)
Rick Perry: "I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm a Christian, but you don't need to be in the pew every Sunday to know there's something wrong in this country when gays can serve openly in the military but our kids can't openly celebrate Christmas or pray in school. " (2011 in a campaign ad)
Mitt Romney: "I should tell my story. I'm also unemployed." (2011 while speaking to unemployed people in Florida. Romney's net worth is over $200 million.)
Newt Gingrich: "She's not young enough or pretty enough to be the wife of the President. And besides, she has cancer." (1994, about his first wife)
Rick Santorum: "Is anyone saying same-sex couples can’t love each other? I love my children. I love my friends, my brother. Heck, I even love my mother-in-law. Should we call these relationships marriage, too?" (2008)
Michelle Bachmann: "Carbon dioxide is portrayed as harmful. But there isn't even one study that can be produced that shows that carbon dioxide is a harmful gas." (2009 during a debate)
Mitt Romney: "PETA is not happy that my dog likes fresh air." (2006, when questioned about driving 12 hours with his dog in a cage strapped to the top of his car)
“Found pig, applied lipstick. Still pig.”
– SIxWordStories.com
“Sorry, bad hair day. Love, Rapunzel.”
– SixWordStories.com
“You have a gift A gift is something that is given. You don’t own it. The...”
– Eli Stone, TV show
“Follow the glittering lights of the city to a holiday filled with glamour.”
– Ralph Lauren
A conversation from Omegle.
Stranger: *witty comment
You: *wittier comment
Stranger: *insulting retort
You: *overly defensive accusation
Stranger: *statement refuting the accusation, with comment on opposing parties mother
You: *reveals mother is dead, attacks sexuality
Stranger: *defends sexuality, and attacks with a comment likening opposing party to glenn beck
You: *defends glenn beck comments on size of reproductive organ
Stranger: *makes statement on minimal size of opposing paries reproductive organ, and implies that reproductive organ is used in an improper way on a poece of furnitture
You: *laughs off comment with a feigned indifference
Stranger: *smirks with knowledge of bluffed indifference
You: *mocks opposing parties spelling error and by extension their intelligence
Stranger: *defends intelligence with offhand statement that everyone makes mistakes, and points out opposing parties insecurities
You: *whines about lack of fatherly approval
Stranger: *comforts with tale of absuvive parents
Stranger: *while insinuating that your not good enough for your father
You: *insults own father’s alcoholism and curls into fetal position
Stranger: *laughs triumphantly, and offers a cold one
You: *accepts cold one and drafts a peace treaty
Stranger: *signs peace treaty and walks into the sunset, cloak epicly flowing
You: *summons a hawk, circle fade out
Stranger: thus ended the most epic and productive conversation on omegle
You: amen
From: www.omegleconversations.com/the-conversation.html
